


November 16th Again

by sprookjes



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: F/M, Groundhog Day Insp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-30 05:10:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21422725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprookjes/pseuds/sprookjes
Relationships: Zoë Loockx/Senne De Smet
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	November 16th Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kate Lynne](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Kate+Lynne).

November 16th, 2018

23:46

I grab my phone one last time before I go to sleep. I tried hard not to do this but I can't stop thinking about it so I click on the Facebook app. Never in my life I thought I’d search for a girl’s profile on fucking _Facebook_. And I have to search for it through Amber’s profile, which is even more embarrassing, but... there’s no other way, really.

I couldn't get that face out of my mind since this morning... it’s... damn, why is Amber “friends” with the entire school?

Ah. Here she is.

Zoë.

That’s her name. It suits her. It’s strong and makes an impression even if it’s brief.

This girl...

She spat harsh truths on my face and she didn’t even care whether it would hurt me or not.

How could I not like her?

I can’t explain how it felt.

I guess you had to be there to understand.

I need to know more about her, speak to her, ask her out?! What would she say if I did that? It would be fun. She’d think I’m tripping or something.

Maybe I am.

Now I want to look at her Instagram before going to sleep. I did take a short look before the Facebook search humiliation but Amber didn’t have any pictures with her/didn’t have her tagged in any picture, so, to find out her name I thought it would be best to search on Facebook.

Fortunately, it was easy to find her by her profile picture. The platinum hair. What the fuck is happening to me? This is dumb. I’m gonna turn the phone off and go to sleep. That’s it. It’s raining so hard, this will help me fall asleep in a matter of seconds.

November 16th, 2018

08:03

I woke up late because I spent half the night thinking about _you know who_.

The rain that seemed to be falling hard enough to keep on going through the whole night magically stopped, leaving me there, awake, alone with my own thoughts.

I’m too late for the first class, maybe I’ll skip two of them since I rarely miss one. I think I can cut myself some slack this time.

I meet the guys in the courtyard and Luka tells me something he already told me yesterday. Then the weirdest thing happens. Amber. Again. Coming at me with the whole “I’m not your trophy” talk. And Zoë is there as well.

Same as yesterday.

Is this a joke?

Maybe it’s a dream.

One of those dreams you know you’re dreaming.

“I think I’ve told you this before but here it goes again: I don’t see you as a trophy. You’re not even on my top 10.”

I know it’s harsh. Asshole attitude and shit. But 1- I am an asshole, and 2 - She should be warned of that and stop projecting. I’ll never be able to reciprocate these kind of feelings and she shouldn’t be romanticizing what went on between us, wanting me to treat her differently than the others. I never promised her anything. I thought she got what she wanted and we were good.

Sometimes it happens, they develop what they think it’s... I don’t know, feelings. I never go out with the same girl twice exactly because of that. To avoid this kind of situation. It’s annoying enough when they get attached for no reason. Now this is fucking weird... why is it happening AGAIN?

Oh, a dream. Yes.

So obviously Zoë tells me once again to start behaving like a human being and stop walking around like a fucking living cliché.

The way she destroys me has its beauty. I couldn’t come up with a clever comeback, even if it’s the second time it happens, it leaves me almost hypnotized—her speech, her eyes.

Besides... What would I say? It was mostly true, the things shepointed out.

Luka invites me to his house to have some fun and drinks with the guys and I’m sure with some girls too, because that’s what we did yesterday; (sorry, Marie. I always ask him why have a serious girlfriend if he wants to keep on sleeping around but it’s no use) I tell him I have to go home. He looks at me like I just said I have to go bury a body.

When I get home I go straight to the fridge because I’m starving and... I’m pretty sure I ate that lasagna yesterday.

Fuck.

Is it possible?

Is yesterday happening again?

If this is a dream, it’s taking too long for me to wake up, seriously.

I do try to study but when I’m googling the meaning of a word I change tabs and catch myself looking at her profile picture. Again. Then I remember to look for her Instagram.

Oh, she just posted an image that says “support your fellow ladies”, ha!Yeah, I like that. She stood up for Amber, indeed. Made a complete fool of myself. Saved the day. Zoë, the hero. Must be good, feeling this powerful and empowering.

She’s all nerdy, in a cute way.She posts pictures of books and museums and cult tv shows and of herself.Her bio made me laugh out loud: “when your lipstick costs 48$ you can’t afford to be kissing fuckboys.”

Listen, I’d buy you all the lipstick in the world if... if we ever went out and you allowed me to kiss you.

So... no fuckboys.

How about a beat boy?

I think I’m both.

I wonder what would I do differently if I had one more chance to make a first impression.

November 16th, 2018

06:58

I wake up at the right time today. I mean, yesterday or the day before that.Because my phone says: November 16th.

Okay, so let’s do it. Let’s do it differently.

When Amber comes at me I just accept the bracelet back and don’t say anything.

She will keep thinking that somehow I like her or should like her... it’s a mess. She looked at me like I was someone else. That’s how most girls look at me—like I’m not me. To be honest, maybe that’s one of the main reasons I go out with so many of them. Through their eyes, I’m not me. I’m what they’ve heard around, what they’ve told each other, a better or worse version of myself, someone I don’t recognize.

She’s mistaken.

She should focus on someone else, I’ve got nothing to give her. That’s what I meant when I told her about a “top 10”, I wanted her to see I’m not who she thinks I am. Now she doesn’t know and will keep creating this alternate version of myself.

A Senne that will only exist in her mind.

She’ll try again.

To talk to me.

To be with me.

I’ve been there before.

I’m gonna have to tell her the truth, sooner or later. See, Zoë? It would be better for her to be hurt once instead of keeping her hung up on me.

Zoë looked pleased. Happy for Amber, I think. She probably imagines Amber will get over it and move on now.

I want to find Zoë, try talking to her, since she doesn’t loathe me completely today, or so I hope. I’ve asked around but no one knows her schedule, obviously.

Just when I’ve given up, I find her in the library after classes are over.

She’s concentrated in a book and once in a while she takes some notes. I don’t understand why, but I don’t dare interrupting her. I just watch her from afar for a few minutes.

She doesn’t see me.

I don’t know why I’m stuck on this day, but I swear being ‘stuck’ on this girl is almost as terrifying.

November 16th, 2018

10:48

So, I have to keep in mind this might be my last November 16th, 2018. That’s why today I try explaining to Amber I don’t treat girls as trophies but she should know that our one night stand was only that: a one night stand, and that she should move on.

I can’t believe I actually managed to do that, that must be what cautious people do all the time. Think before acting or talking.A concept.I confess this is hard for me to do. If there’s something you can call me, it’s impulsive.But it went well... until Amber took off looking like she was about to burst into tears, that is.Zoë ran after her, but not before telling me I should be ashamed of making a girl like Amber cry.

Fuck, I’m sorry but I can’t control how she feels hearing the truth?!

I don’t understand why I actually care about what she thinks of me. I shouldn’t. I could just... let go of it all.

14:32

I’m still going to the library today and I will try talking to her. Should have done it yesterday. Well... why regret not doing it if I have been living the same fucking day for 4 days now?

I think the only way for Zoë to like me would be if she thought I actually have feelings for Amber, which wouldn’t be what I want her to think—at all.

16:28

I arrive earlier and she’s already sitting there accompanied by her library book. I have one of those, studied about it last year. It’s a bio book about the theory of evolution.

I ask for that same book and the librarian says all of their copies are on loan. I’m sure she heard it when I asked because she turned our way. But she saw... _me_. I bet she would have offered to share the book if the person asking weren’t me.

I pretend I just saw her and the book she’s holding, then I walk towards where she’s sitting.

"Hey, I... could I sit here for a while and take a quick look at the book you’re using? I needed it for this paper I’m writing for an extra grade.”

“I’ll be leaving soon, then you can have it.”

She says, without raising her eyes from her notebook to look at me, still concentrated on what she has been studying or at least wanting to do so.

“I don’t wanna rush you, I just... what’s your name again?”

“You don’t need to know my name. You’re already rushing me if you want to know the truth.”

“How?”

“I don’t wanna be near you for another 5 minutes, that’s why.”

“Why? I’m not exactly the monster you think I am.”

She laughs.

“I don’t think you’re a monster. I think you’re an entitled asshole.”

“Fair. But maybe I’m more than just that.” I say, grabbing a chair.

“Ha, I doubt it. But I don’t really want to find out. Here, take the book.”

There she goes. Here she leaves me, with the book I don’t really need. Without her company.

She seems to take pleasure on stepping on me.

November 16th, 2018

11:11

I told Amber I was sorry she misunderstood me. And that I thought she knew it was only a one night thing.The truth.I didn’t say that in front of anyone, though.I asked her if we could speak in private for a second.She seemed to understand or at least accept it. Of course I hurt her pride but I think she might get over it easily.

Zoë looked right into my eyes after Amber got back to their group.

And it’s like she knows.

Not what the others say about me but the me that they don’t see.

The me not even I like. She doesn’t like him either. But she sees him.

I don’t blame her for not liking him.

I just desperately want to show her I’m not that bad.

16:35

I ask for the book as soon as I arrive and just like yesterday, or... like today number 5, she sees me. She doesn’t seem to hate the sight of me like she did the last time.

I finally think I have a chance of starting a conversation with her.

“Can I sit here and take some notes from the book you’re reading? I have an assignment for an extra grade and I need to copy something from this book.”

She shrugs.

I never thought a shrug would make me this excited but here we are.

Senne De Smet, you’re so not your regular self right now.

“So... what’s your name again?”

“I never told you my name.”

“Yeah... how about you change that now?”

“I thought you needed the book.”

She slides the book to my side of the table.

“I do.”

“Then hurry up and find what you want and then go away.”

“Awch. Why so harsh?”

She doesn’t answer. Begins to write something as if she’s angry at the paper _and_ at the pen. I see her name written on the top of the page, even if it’s upside down from where I’m sitting.

“Zoë” I say, smiling jokingly.

“Stalker?”

It sounds like an offended “excuse me?”.

“Sorry. It was right there, I just read it.”

“Okay, did you find it?”

“What?”

“What you were looking for?”

I can’t stop staring at her eyes. For a minute she holds my gaze too. It’s uncomfortable because it’s too intense.

I love it.

“You could say that.”

She sighs, exasperated.

“Are you going to copy it or take a picture of the pages you need?”

“Oh. Yeah I’m gonna copy it. I don’t know how teachers still ask for something from a specific book when we have the internet, but...”

She looks at me like I’ve just offended her entire family. I was just trying to make my lie sound believable.

“Do you have an extra pen?”

I say, wishing I could delete my previous words.

She rolls her eyes and lends me her own pen, still warm from her grip.

“Where are you going after you’re done here? There’s a really cozy café on that...”

“What are you doing?”

She looks at me like I’m a mad man. I stop copying the text I’m pretending to need.

“Asking if you know café Kor...”

“Don’t.”

“Why?”

“Do you realize I’m friends with the girl you just dumped earlier today?”

“Hm, about that...”

“Yeah there’s no “about that”. That’s all. I’m her friend. She likes you. Don’t even think about it.”

“If it wasn’t for her... then?”

I raise my eyebrows, half smiling. I tried not to smile but... It was a hopeful answer, come on.

“No way, I’m not your type and you’re _definitely_ not mine.”

“No fuckboys policy.”

She looks suspiciously at me for 3 seconds.

“How d... you know what? Yes: no fuckboys, no jerks, either.”

Yeah. She still hates my guts, somehow.

We get out of the building at the same time (I’m finished copying the text the minute she stands up to go.) and miraculously, her bike has a flat tire.

I swear I have nothing to do with it.

“Fuck!” She exclaims.

“I can give you a ride.”

“I can walk.”

“Come on, it’s freezing cold. Let me help.”

To my utter surprise, she says okay.

“I’m only accepting your help because I need to get home soon.”

She informs me while fastening her seat belt.

“Alright.” I say, a bit of a smile in my voice.

“Don’t look at me like that.”, she frowns.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m... amusing.”

“Sorry. It’s not at all what I meant.”

“Whatever.”

Her phone rings, she picks up.

“Hey! I was about to call you, I’m almost home... Oh. You already... No, no, I get it. Of course I get it. No problem, mother. Yeah. See you tonight. Tomorrow? Ok. You two have fun. Yeah, I will.”

Fuck. She looks like she wants to cry and beat the shit out of someone, both things at the same time.

“I...”

“Where did you say that café was? I just... need to go somewhere else right now. Somewhere that’s not my house.”

“Okay.”

I couldn’t start the car right away. I was too busy looking at her. Too worried about how she was feeling.

“Could you just drive?”

I did what she asked.

17:44

Zoë ordered a vegan beverage and I ordered a latte.

She seemed to be so far away, lost in her own emotions. Whatever her mother did (going somewhere without her, I suppose) pissed her off, yeah. But it also drained her. She didn’t even have the strength to fight me anymore.

“My parents are never home. They don’t even care to warn me when or where they’re going because they’re literally always somewhere else. Away from the house and from each other, away from me, as they should be. I’m a piece of trash, after all.”

I give her a bitter smile and raise my latte as if I had just given a toast. I don’t know why I’m being this honest to someone I barely know and that will probably use it against me but I am.Anything to try to make her feel less alone.

“Well, parents fucking suck.”

She blurts out, without taking her eyes of her untouched drink.

I feel so relieved she didn’t take it in the wrong way. As if I was trying to compete with her on who was the most miserable instead of what I really meant that was: I kind of get how you’re feeling.

“Yeah, mine can’t stand me because I’m this lost cause—a jerk, like you said earlier—what’s _your_ excuse?”

Then she half smiles. I was about to thank her shitty parents for that moment. But not really.

“Maybe I’m a lost cause too.”

She shrugs, and I actually think that deep down she believes this nonsense.

“No way. You’re anything but a lost cause.”

“This shouldn’t be happening.”

She says, the smile that lasted the longest since I’ve met her vanishing from her lips. No, no, smile. Come back.

“Look, just let it be, ok? Pretend it’s an extra day that only you are living and the others won’t even notice it existed. No one will know you hang out with a jerk and half smiled at his snarky comments. Alright?”

“An extra day just for me? That’d be nice.”

“If it’s always the same day... a bit exhausting, I’d say.”

“What?”

“I’m just joking, but yeah. An extra day. Or extra hours, if you want. The world is completely unaware of your sin.”

“And you are my sin?”

When she put it like that... I’d very much like to be your sin, yes.

I try to keep it cool and shrug.

She smiles big at the waitress when she asks for the check and I can see her dimples. I had seen them before when she was smiling while dissing me and when she laughed at me back at the library. Oh, man. It’s a beautiful view.

“I need to breathe some fresh, cold air, think I’m gonna walk home, Seppe.”

“It’s Senne.”

“Oh shit. Yeah, couldn’t even remember your name!”

“Call me whatever you want.”

“Have yourself a good evening. And... Thanks.”

“Wait, I can walk you home. And I’ll pay for the drinks.”

“Nah. I’m paying for mine. This wasn’t a date. It will never be.”

“I’ll walk you though, it’s getting late and...”

“Oh, my God. Fine."

She says while standing up to go, as if she's too tired to argue with me.

18:21

“It’s freezing.”

I point out the obvious.

“I like it. You should too, it seems to fit your personality.”

“Ha. Funny.”

“Really though, you should just... grow up. Stop treating girls like they’re nothing. It hurts them. Deeply.”

“Hey, that’s never my intention.”

“So don’t do it.”

“How?”

“Just... I don’t know. Can’t you have empathy or find someone you really care about so you can learn how to treat them like real people? In short, just stop being such a fuckboy.”

“I think I might have found this someone.”

“Dude... don’t even.”

She scoffs.

“I didn’t say it was_ you_.”

I tease.

“Poor girl.”

I think she knows I‘m flirting.

“She’s amazing, actually. I think she’ll be able to handle it. We should have come in my car. I can barely move.”

“How dramatic! You’re just trying to be invited to come inside. But I can’t let you in.”

When we arrive at her front door, I try again—for one last time—I promise myself.

“Come on. Please?”

I say, almost jumping up and down to try keeping myself from freezing.

“For _one second_.”

“Fair enough.”

I enter her living room and it’s a nice, regular house. Not very warm, though. And I’m not talking about the temperature. It’s a bit too serious to be the home of a happy family.

Reminds me of my own house without the weight of tragedies, I guess.

“Would you like some tea?”

Can’t remember the last time I drank tea but yeah, of course I’ll accept her tea.

“After that, you’ll be on your way.”

She points to the door.

I nod.

I follow her to the kitchen and watch her make us tea.

She notices I’m looking at her and it makes her too self conscious. She almost drops the cups. I help her out and our fingers touch. I don’t know why this makes me feel something, but it does. Like a shiver down my spine and the beating of my heart in my throat.

“Can I sit? Are you gonna drink your tea standing by the door?”

We sit opposite each other at the kitchen table.

“It’s tasty. Not too sweet, just the way I like it.”

“It’s cinnamon, it’s supposed to be spicy. But damn, I should have put a bunch of sugar on yours or chosen a sweeter kind of tea.”

She mocks me. She looks so cute when she’s making fun of me.

“Shit, my bike is still in your car...”

“Don’t worry, tomorrow it will be at the same place with the same flat tire.”

“Huh?”

Fortunately I don’t need to answer about what I said while distracted by her face. She’s too concerned with what she just saw from her living room window to care about my nonsensical sentences.

“No, no, no, that can’t be.”

“What?”

She goes to the window and confirms the terrible news, sighing audibly.

“What kind of trap is this day?”

“Tell me about it if you ever find out.”

“What?”

“I can go, even if it’s about to start raining.”

“I can’t let you go right now, look at the sky. It’s fucking dark, it’s gonna be pouring in two minutes. Don’t wanna be responsible for your death.”

“Pneumonia?”

She smiles. The dimples almost come out to play.

“Lighting. Look at that! Did you see it? It almost hit that tree!”

I laugh a bit.

“Yeah, I saw.”

“I can’t let you go right now”, sounds like music to my ears. I don’t wanna go.

“As soon as it gets a bit better, I’ll be gone, I promise. What can we do to pass the time?”

“You, I don’t know. I’m gonna study.”

“Study it is.”

I say, following her back to the kitchen.

She sets the kitchen table to_ study mode_ since she doesn’t want me in her bedroom. She doesn’t say it but it’s pretty obvious, and it’s fine with me. Being near her is what really matters.

I can’t believe I just thought that.

After minutes of complete silence, she’s the one to speak first.

“Sometimes I wonder if Darwin was really right. I mean... not about the evolution per se, but if he saw humans today... would he think we were evolving or just... going towards our own destruction?”

“What do you mean?”

“The world is getting more and more fucked up each passing day, humanity is at risk and humans don’t seem to notice or care about others that aren’t themselves. You’re a good example of that, by the way. So, how is this going to get any better?”

“Can’t even argue with that. About me being a good example of... selfishness. However, I believe we can still evolve and that not all hope is lost.”

“I want to believe this too... believe me.”

20:40

It’s raining awfully hard when the power goes off.

“This isn’t happening. It feels like a prank.”

She whines.

I don’t know if it’s the universe but... whatever it is: thank you. I have lived this day 4 times before but the thunderstorm didn’t grab my attention/didn’t seem important in any of them.

Now I just feel so very glad for it.

It’s like it’s the first day it’s happened.

Because it’s the first time I’m affected by it.

Zoë is lighting up some candles, she used her phone light to find them. I just take the time to look at her longer without being judged.She’s always so focused on what she’s doing, I like that.

“Aren’t you going to warn your parents? They must be worried. Maybe someone can come pick you up?”

“My phone is dead. But no, no one is home to realize I’m not there. I told you about them. They’re never there.”

“Oh... yeah, sorry.”

We end up on the couch playing board games. She’s trying to teach me how to play chess but it’s too complicated when you can't concentrate. So she wins 8 games. I win one when we play checkers, while she wins the other 5.

“We should play ouija.”

Maybe a spirit would tell me why I’m stuck in this day.

“No way.”

“What? Are you afraid of ghosts?”

“No...”

“Yes you are.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Are you hungry? It’s past dinner time.”

I didn’t want to say yes but my stomach answers for me.She laughs. Thanks, stomach.

“Ok, let’s prepare dinner, then.”

“Me too?”

“Well, the least you can do is help, don’t you think?”

She makes us pasta with mushrooms and this vegan garlic sauce.It’s fucking delicious. I wanna eat what’s left of it and she notices it.

“Do it, if you like”

“You know it’s only this delicious because I cut the mushrooms, right?”

I joke.

“I wouldn’t know if they’re delicious. Didn’t you notice I haven’t eaten them? They were poisonous.”

“I knew it!”

And just like that, we’re laughing. It feels like an accomplishment, to make her laugh. It feels so damn good to be here.

“Want to play another game?”

I ask her while I wash the dishes (she’s drying them and also paying a lot of attention to see if I’m washing them properly).

“What kind of game?”

“Truth or dare.”

“No... I guess I could start making your bed on the couch soon. It’s like we have been forgotten here. You can’t go home in the dark and it’s still thundering and raining.”

“I couldn’t leave you alone in the dark.”

“Sure.”

“Okay yeah, I’d like that. If you let me spend the night...”

“Shut up. It’s not a matter of _letting_. We’re both stuck in this situation. That’s all. Let’s deal with it.”

“Ok.”

22:29

She brought the sheets and a pillow—one of her own pillows—and I felt like some character in a silly love story.I felt warmth and comfort in that.A pillow. Her smell.

She went to her bedroom and I wasn't able to fall asleep. It was too early. I just kept thinking of how she was sleeping in the other room. Of how this day had been completely surreal.

About 20 minutes later I heard soft footsteps and when I opened my eyes again, there she was, holding another pillow and a duvet.

She was making a bed for herself on the other couch. 

It's been a while since she's lying in her couch, I can hear her breathing. I can barely breathe myself.

“Can’t sleep. I hate thunderstorms. I love when it rains, but I hate thunder and lightening. When I was little... well. I just hate it. That’s all.”

She finally speaks.

“When you were little?”I encourage her.

I’m looking at the ceiling but I can’t see a thing. It’s completely dark since Zoë blew the candle she had brought with her. I can almost hear her thoughts running through her mind. Wondering if it’s worth sharing something—a memory—with me. Finally, she sighs and I hear her voice again.

“I was afraid of thunderstorms, like, really terrified and my parents just made me stay in my room by myself while they happened. Always. "You're not a little kid anymore, Zoë.", they used to say. Except I was. It’s dumb but...”

“You’re not by yourself today.”

“I suppose not.”

“I’m here.”

“I know.”

I smile because a memory of mine comes back.

“It’s just... two brothers fighting in the sky.”

She laughs.

“What?”

“Lightening and thunder. It’s what my mother used to say for me and my siblings so we would be quiet and not scared of it; it would make us pay attention to their fight. The brothers in the sky. But my sister didn't believe that. She used to say they weren't fighting, it was their parents taking pictures of them, the lightening was the flash of their camera.”

“I like her way of thinking, but I hate them.”

“You can sleep now, I’ll keep an eye on them for you. Promise.”

“I’ll try.”

Suddenly it dawns on me.

“Fuck, I forgot it for a while.”

“About?”

I sit on the couch, feeling a bit of what you could call despair.

“You won’t remember this. Tomorrow you won’t remember me like this. Because for you it’s gonna be today all over again.”

“What? Was it the mushrooms? You’re not making any sense.”

“If... if you could choose... would you want to remember the past few hours? Just think about it and tell me. If this was your extra day, would you want to remember it?”

“There you go again with the _extra day_ thing.”

“Just pretend my question does make sense. Would you?”

“Well... yeah. I guess so.”

“Even if I’m a jerk and ruined your day?”

“It wasn’t your fault. And you’re not that bad when you’re being a regular person without trying to get into a girl’s pants. But I’m only saying that because it’s my extra day, so this is not official.”

She whispers and I don’t even find her joking about it funny. I just feel relieved. And sad.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“So... before you go to sleep, can you wish for me to wake up on November 17th tomorrow?”

“I can do that.”

She answers that with a smile in her voice, clearly thinking I’m being a weirdo.

“Sleep well, Zoë.”

“Sleep well, Seppe.”

* * *

I wake up on my bed. It’s 05:28

November 16th, 2018

I don’t have the energy to relive this day today.

I stay in bed for its entirety thinking about how yesterday and all that happened is completely erased from her memory now.

November 16th, 2018

10:00

I'm still done with this sick joke the universe is playing on me.

Today I feel pissed off and unlucky to have hooked up with Amber but also grateful because that's what brought me to Zoë. Except for the ~every day is November 16th~ part, I'm grateful. Why did it have to happen the day I met her? I can't run nor hide, nothing will prevent this damn day of happening again and again, and I'll spend the eternity trying to make what happened the day before yesterday happen again and again....

It’s lonelier than ever before, the repetition of days with no one to remember them with you.Hasn’t this been happening for longer? Days no one remembers with me. Except for Luka... there’s not many more people that are a part of my life in a meaningful way.... that’s it.My days were a freaking waste of collections of hours even before I got stuck on November 16th.

Today, I want her to annihilate me again.

I do it like the first time. And she steps on me. I feel good that she does. It’s the way it was supposed to be.

If only I had more days with her—days she would remember—maybe I could change her mind for real. Maybe I could change my own. Evolve. Become a better person. I can pretend all of this was going to happen if I had a chance.

It’s almost a comfortable position, if the thought of the possibility didn’t drive me insane.

I go home and watch the rain and all that thunder and lighting fall from my living room window.

I wonder if she’s alone.

I hope she’s not.

I hope she called a friend or went to their house. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be there for her again.

November 17th, 2018

This isn’t a dream. It really says November 17th on my phone. And when I arrive at school the guys are still messing with me about how Zoë destroyed me yesterday.

I never felt so alive like I do now.

My attempts to talk to her go all wrong.

Then one day we collide in the hallway, thanks to Luka and the wrong answer he gave me on the test we had earlier.

She talks about primates and how small my brain is.

I say it’s filled with her, my brain.

Because it is.

I apologize to Amber.

On December 21, I decide to ask her if she thinks Darwin was right over the fact that we evolve.

There was something in her eyes and the smile she gave me... like deep down she remembers our November 16th in her candle lit house surrounded by rain and thunder and lightening.

Her smile felt like she wanted to believe he was right, like she wants to believe we do evolve.

And now, more than ever before, I believe it too.


End file.
